New Year's Eve, and other thoughts.

Over the last couple of years, I have taken to spending New Year's Eve alone.

It took me awhile to admit it to myself, but I am just not a big party kind of person.  I will nearly always prefer cozy gatherings with close, trusted, friends.

And especially on New Year's Eve, it doesn't feel right.  Being the final night, the 365th day of a year that will never come again... it just seems as though it should be spent pondering.   Meditating.  Communing with my deepest self, and determining who I am, where I have been.  Congratulating myself on what I have accomplished, and confidently addressing things I could have done better.

I ask myself a variety of questions, but it all comes back to this:


Does my soul feel full?



And so, on this last New Year's Eve that transitioned us into the year two thousand twelve, I lit some candles, turned on the Christmas tree lights, and cozied up with a blanket and these beautiful videos of spoken word poems by Sarah Kay*.

I noticed the time at about 11:50, and meant to go turn on the television to watch the ball drop and the year turn, but was quickly and easily dissuaded by another poem, and then forgot about time altogether.

When I heard a sudden burst of explosions and loud shouting outside, and I jumped up and ran out the front door to enjoy the excitement.  As my home is situated on the mountainside, I am lucky enough to have a wide view of the valley below, which on this particular night included a fireworks display, spread across the panoramic view, from homes of every sort.


A few minutes later, on the north end of the valley, I noticed numerous slow-moving, fire-colored dots.  I stood there, staring, a little startled. For the life of me, I could not figure out what they were.

Then, a moment of clarity.  Paper lanterns.

I stood for several minutes, barefoot on the cold cement sidewalk in front of my house— my toes and fingers tingly, my cheeks turning pink. The cloud of golden-orange lights expanding, rising, ever increasing in number.  It felt so peaceful, yet momentous. Legendary. The only first few moments of the year 2012 that would ever exist. And there was I, standing, breathing in the moment deeply.  There was I, experiencing them.





*That poetry absolutely mesmerizes me.  How beautiful and poignant, those moments and insights she captures. I aspire to be able to craft my words in such an elegant way. There are so many wonderful poems, but these are some that touched me.