becoming a real adult.

This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. … they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.
Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? … Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”
Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe … life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.

— Relevant magazine (via charliebravo)

Reading this, I am so glad I had the sense to realize how important it was that I do this, and the commitment to stick with it.

And I say that deliberately.  My first instinct was to say that I have been "lucky" to be able to do this.  But I don't think that's entirely accurate.  While circumstances did allow, in some sense, I have actually worked (am working) really hard to make sure that I don't get stuck in a rut.  To try my best to make sure that I become a person "who has used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults."

Initially, the hardest part was coaxing out the courage to make (and stick with) a decision that was maybe not the most practical (not going into the career in which I was trained). I had to remind myself that I was taking some time to explore and try new things.  Experimenting.  But I was motivated by a drive to find my passion, and that kept me going through the hard.

Now, the hardest part is pushing onward.  Doing the hard, day-to-day work of "becoming". Pushing myself.  Always evaluating myself, observing others, finding role models, changing role models, making slight changes to my attitudes, my behavior.  Trying to locate where, exactly, I belong in this world, or where exactly I want to belong in this world. And with my new teaching job, comes the need to become a better teacher.  So there is also that.

Ultimately, though, I am so proud that I am on this path.  As earth-shakingly difficult as it has been at times, I would not take it back.  It is all necessary progress, and all my hard work pays off everyday.  And the more work I do, the more I refine, the better life gets.